Wow, Villanova sports season certainly crept up quickly! Already we’re 4 weeks into Football and a month away from our first Basketball game! If you’re anything like me, the transition from summer to fall completely caught you off guard and somewhat unprepared to cheer on the Wildcats. I had all these grand plans to stock up on all sorts of Villanova gear so that my fandom for the next 5 months would never be in question. But you know what they say – when you have a kegerator full of Mike’s Hard Lemonade in your basement, you tend to lose a few days here and there.
But fear not, fellow lazy/drunk fans! I’ve scoured the internet and found the most unique Villanova products out there, available for anyone to purchase. These products will allow you to show your Wildcat pride, no matter your walk of life.
Looking to impress your guests when offering them a chilled beverage? Look no further than this classy Villanova pitcher, complete with the school crest.
"How should we take the picture for ebay?" "I dunno…set it in the garden mulch next to a single can of Coke?"
Right off the bat, this item offers endless possibilities and uses. You buy this pitcher, and you’re buying a versatile piece that will serve countless purposes around the house:
- Serving chilled Iced Tea / Lemonade / Mike’s Hard Lemonade
- Pitcher for beer with the guys, if you have a tap
- Centerpiece to show off Nova pride
- Use it as a vase for flowers or something
- Blunt object for striking home intruders
- Bicep curls
- Makeshift urn for dead relative’s ashes
- Take it to your softball league game and put it on the mound. Hilarity ensues.
- You can pee in it if you have good aim and it’s an emergency or even if it’s not an emergency I guess
- Fill it with marbles, because who doesn’t like marbles?
- Serve orange juice at brunch
If there’s one thing I think we can all agree on, it’s that Crocs have and always will be the coolest things possible to wear on your feet. Since their debut in 2002, the celebrities that we look to for fashion and life guidance have been rocking these bad boys like hot fire.
Sweet ankle tat, Rosie.
I know what you’re thinking – "Crocs are great and everything, but how can I draw even MORE attention to my feet?". Don’t worry – we’ve got that covered. Now, you can buy Villanova "Jibbitz" to stick through the holes of your Crocs to flair them up.
They’re perfect for the Wildcats fan that wants to say "I love Villanova, and I want to express it by making you pay attention to my god-awful shoes!!!" I think we all know at least one of those people.
Don’t you f**king hate it when you’re slaving away over your prize winning petunias, and your snotty neighbor Edith comes over and makes fun of your soiled, callused hands?
Edith: Good morning, neighbor! Oh, my – I hope your flowers come out looking better than those gorilla mitts you call hands.
You: Get lost, Edith. You’re just jealous that my petunias have beaten yours at the county fair for the past 5 years straight.
Edith: That’s hogwash!
You: …And when I beat you again this year, I’m gonna use the prize money to buy Villanova season tickets!
Edith: Hah! I find it hard to believe you’re a Nova fan at all! I’ve never seen you wear a single article of clothing supporting that team!
I’m sure we’ve all had various versions of that conversation with our respective neighbors/gardening rivals at some point in our life. Luckily, you can shut Edith up with a pair of these bad boys:
You can tell these are flying off the shelves because they’ve got the most up-to-date logo on there
That’s right, Edith. Not only do you now have undisputable proof that I’m a Villanova fan, but my hands will soon return to their silky soft state that babies and the ladies find so irresistible. Looks like I win again.
Suck it, Edith.
Looking for a unique way to silently proclaim to your neighbors, "I love Villanova and have horrible taste!"? Look no further than this Embroidered Villanova Garden Flag:
Someone forgot to toss a wrinkle-free dryer sheet in the last time this was washed.
Who cares that the logo is outdated? Who cares if this was clearly drawn by a 6th grader using Microsoft Paint? Who cares that this color scheme isn’t used anymore, and that the colors don’t even really match the old color scheme that they’re supposed to? Who cares that Billy "The Big D" Cat is clearly having a stroke?
All that matters is that when you buy this and fly it proudly in your yard, neighbors will KNOW where your sports allegiances lie. And they’ll probably have to wake up to their kids’ screaming nightmares about that face, because seriously, that is terrifying.
Those eyes! Those vacant, murderous eyes!
If you’re like me, one of the biggest challenges you face day-to-day is finding shirts with sleeves big enough to fit your gigantic rippling arm muscles. As a result, I’ve resorted to exclusively wearing sleeveless shirts, no matter what the occasion is.
"Rest in Peace, Mom."
You can therefore imagine how jacked up I was when I discovered this sweet Villanova muscle shirt online:
If any shirt is wooden-hanger worthy, it’s this one.
No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you – the year 1983 is printed underneath the A in Villanova! That’s right, for a mere 29 bucks, you can be the proud owner of a 30-year old tank top that I’m pretty sure a former member of the track team dug out of his trunk about a month ago and decided to slap up on ebay! By emphasizing "used" in the description, I can almost guarantee this shirt still reeks of body odor and Villanova victories.
If you’re interested in buying clothes that other people have sweat in, but didn’t think that tank top was quite your style, fear not! There’s another option waiting for you right around the corner – this awesome game-worn Villanova Volleyball Jersey!
I also googled "game worn volleyball shorts" but all the results were weird Japanese vending machine websites.
Now, the description of this item didn’t specify who wore this jersey in game. But thanks to the internet and about 45 minutes of wasted time, I was able to get to the bottom of this mystery. Through various news articles and Google image searches, I determined that Villanova wore these jerseys in the 2006 – 2008 seasons, during which #1 was worn by the lovely Kaela Frizzell:
Nowadays, Miss Frizzell is a teacher that takes her students on wacky field trips to learn about science using a magical bus. Haha, just kidding, I have no idea what she does…However, I’ve decided that all I need to know about her I can learn from this random wiki article I found during my research. Pretty impressive stuff.
Wait. What? This thing is for sale???
I don’t have a joke for this one. It’s that awesome.
This is the net that was used during Villanova’s Southeast Region victory over UNC to advance to the Final Four during their 1985 championship run! The price for this awesome piece of Villanova history? A very fitting $8585.85.
Sooo…does anyone know a quick and easy way to make 9 grand? I’d prefer something that doesn’t involve taking my clothes off in front of strangers, but that’s only because I’m self-conscious about my weird and patchy chest hair. Hit me up!
You can follow me on Twitter @TheSheaQuinn if you're into that.