What If Wednesday: Villanova Basketball Summer Jobs

I hate to break it to you college kids, but the summer's more than half-way over.  Most of you have been using this time to party and relax so that you're well rested for a new school year of partying and relaxing (I really miss college).  But some of you entrepreneurs may be using your break to work a summer job.  Whether you're stuck inside on a gorgeous day, or burning up working out in the heat, those summer jobs can be a pain at times.  But whether its earning some cold hard cash, getting credit for an internship, or just gaining some life experience, summer jobs are often pretty rewarding.

So today we're going to play employer and hire the entire Villanova Basketball team for the summer.  Don't worry, they'll get plenty of time for practice and training.  Heck, we'll even give them a week off to go to Spain next month.  But when they're on the job, we've got positions uniquely crafted for each player.  Let's get to work!

Kris Jenkins: Carnival Basketball Game Operator

Ah the Carnival, a staple of summer.  And what Carnival wouldn't be complete without rigged games that are impossible to win.  But even though we know it's impossible, we all try anyway.  Why?  Because the guy operating the booth is the only person on the face of the Earth that knows the trick to winning and demonstrates how "easy" it is.  Jenkins would be perfect for the booth with the basketball hoops that are smaller than regulation and roughly 83 feet in the air.  He'd sink every shot he took, and $50 later you might win a $5 basketball.  Throw in his infectious smile and his booth will have a line around the block.

Josh Hart: Camp Counselor

First off, this actually was Josh Hart's job this summer.  It'll be good practice for the upcoming season.  Hart will be one of the prominent leaders on a team that's mostly underclassman.  He'll need to be both a teacher and mentor to the younger players, especially when it comes to learning team defense and how to make macaroni necklaces.  He may not win the camp talent show, but if he can lead by example, his campers and teammates will be in good shape.

Darryl Reynolds: Screen Writer

Reynolds is already well on his way to a career in Hollywood with his directorial debut earlier this summer.  And who better to pen the movie version of the NCAA Championship game then a guy who actually lived it!  With so many great storylines to highlight, the thing almost writes itself: Nova getting past the first weekend, Jenkins vs. his brother, Jay finally beating UNC, Arch's senior performance, and of course the final shot.  Assuming that George Clooney plays Jay Wright, who else gets cast in this summer block buster?

Phil Booth: Life Guard

Life guard has to be one of the best summer jobs out there.  You get to take a dip when you get hot, you spend all day checking out the hotties, and you just look good doing it.  Well after the Championship game, no one is looking better these days than Phil Booth.  Not only did he drop 20 in the biggest game of his life, but he has given us some of the most meme-able facial expressions all season. Oh, and he also saved our butts more than once against UNC, as any good life guard would.  Phil Booth is living large and looking good doing it.

Jalen Brunson: Jay Wright's Caddy

With Ryan Arcidiacono off to the NBA, Brunson is now going to be the go-to floor general and Jay Wright's leader on the court.  Arch and Jay were famously in sync with eachother, and now Brunson will have to find his own chemistry with the head coach.  What better way than to talk shop, strategy, and life than walking the links together.  By the end of the summer Brunson will be an extension of the coach, ready to lead the team into the season.  Also, I bet Jay's a pretty good tipper.

Mikal Bridges: Dance Instructor

Bridges has already cemented himself as many fans' favorite player after his terrific play in the tournament last year.  But before we knew him for his big dunks, huge blocks and game-changing steals, he was first and foremost the best dancer on the team.  Not only did he do the hype dances during pre-game his red shirt season, but he was a big part of the Running Man Challenge that swept college hoops earlier this year.  With all that talent, it would be great to see him helping out some of the more "rhythmically challenged" members of the team find their groove this summer.

Eric Paschal: Construction/Landscape Worker

Just in case you haven't read anything else I've written on Eric Paschal, let me sum him up like this: Beast Mode.  He's an athletic wing that plays like a linebacker and has 3-point range on top of that.  So what better job than construction and landscaping?  He wouldn't even need tools!  Instead of sledge hammering walls he'll just walk through them.  Instead of digging holes to plant trees he'll just throw them directly into the ground.  Ok, I may be exaggerating a little, but watch out for this kid next year.

Donte DiVincenzo: Cook/Waiter/Bus Boy/Vallet

There is no way a local kid with the last name DiVincenzo doesn't have a close family member that owns an Italian bistro somewhere in South Philly.  And being the do it all type of player he is on the court, I'm sure he'll be doing everything in the restaurant as well.  You know, PASSING out menus, BLOCKING off spots on the street to park cars, DUNKING the pasta into boiling water, REBOUNDING over defenders 6-10 times a game... restaurant stuff.  By the end of the summer he'll be ready to play meaningful minutes and he'll smell like olive oil and tomatoes.

Tim Delaney: Uber Driver

Delaney's had a rough run of luck when it comes to his health, and he could be looking at some more time on the bench this season.  But if he can't be on his feet in the gym this summer, why not stay on your butt and make some money?  Not only is Uber hiring in the Philly area, but you could be picked up by a National Champion!  I'm already giving him 5 stars.

Omari Spellman: Dog Walker

All freshman big man have three things they need to work on going into their first season: conditioning, footwork and defense.  Nothing combines all three of these in the real world like being a dog walker.  First, you and the dogs both get exercise, it's a win-win.  Second, with some dogs being about the same size as Spellman's sneakers, he's going to have to watch where he's stepping.  And of course, like any person who owns multiple dogs knows, nothing teaches you how to play defense like trying to corral multiple excited dogs on a crowded side-walk.

Dylan Painter: Sign Spinner

Have you ever been driving by a bank or mattress store and seen one of these guys spinning a twirling signs to try to get you to stop and go in?  Well imagine if that guy was 6'10".  After a full summer of learning how to flip, spin, pass a sign around, chances are pretty good he'd be able to do the same thing with a basketball.  And there's nothing Nova fans like more than a big guy who can pass in the post.